I’ve been uncharacteristically quiet…
I’ll share some of what I’ve been thinking/doing/not doing — You may or may not recognize yourself in this. If you do, let me know so that I won’t feel so naked and alone. If you can’t relate, just look away and keep marching 😉
First of all, I’ve not been doing much of anything. I’ve been maintaining. That’s how it feels. That’s what my “you’re not enough” voice has been talking smack about anyways.
To see that I have done some stuff (even if it doesn’t feel/look like it) and to not feel guilty, as in the ‘I’m a loser’ type of thinking that can surface at these times.
What gets forgotten?
That I am not a machine, able to have long lists, tick them off each day, and keep going and going.
I am a dreamer.
I have moments of intense
followed by bouts of minimal putfiresoutdoaslittleasrequiredwillIeverpaintwritecreateagain moments.
When I am in the former mode, I totally believe that this time I have conquered the loser me. When I am in the second mode I totally believe I have been and will always be a loser 😉
Yep, I live on the street of polar opposites, just beyond the home of extreme beliefs. There is part of my brain that no matter what I am doing is always holding onto that song of there’s more to do and you are probably not enough of the person to get it all done and another part of me singing it’ll all work out, trust in the process of life.
The only sane reason I have for sharing any of this crazy thinking with you is:
- If you think like this sometimes, you are not alone. You have me, your BFF, right in there with you 😉
- I’ve been this way my entire life and look where’s it’s gotten me…
Doing things I love to do.
Things like paint, write silly letters like this to you, and maybe spread some love and cheer in the world with my online courses. Living proof, even to the ‘loser’ voice in my head, that I will once again, ‘work in this town’. Nothing lasts forever. Yin and yang. In and out. Active and non active. It’s all part of the plan.
Our life, our creativity is like the ocean.
It has an ebb and flow built into it, a coming in and a going out.
This is the very thing we LOVE about the ocean–its on and off moments that create the mesmerizing sounds and movements that we can’t get enough of.
Do you think it’s possible to learn to love the ebb and flow in our own lives? Embracing the rhythm and the knowing that what flows out will surely flow back to us, in the ‘only known to the ocean’s ways’ that it does?
We are the ocean, you and I. It’s okay to float and drift, to move inward and outward, to be busy and to rest, to give and to receive 😉
That’s my message to me and to you today.
It’s my story and I’m sticking to it. What’s yours???