Before the Creative Process
I went in search of creativity and found it not
I pressed hard, certain I could conjure it up
Conjure I could not
It seemed to elude me
The more I was certain I needed it to show up now, the fainter the trail grew
And I grew faint
And a bit of me gave up
My hand grew lax and the desperation slipped away
In that place, the one where I had given up
lo and behold
Creativity began to appear
In small things
and great things
creativity, inspiration became visible
pulling up a chair beside me and chatting
I could scarcely believe my luck
What was different?
Could this be sorted?
So that I might be able to experience this inspiration, this creativity in my life again any ole time I pleased?
Ever so carefully I traced my steps back
back to the preoccupation
The sense that there was no magic and I must indeed do everything the hard way
That if I worked hard enough I could make creativity show up at will
(like trying to go to sleep, this boat don’t float. The harder one tries to fall asleep, the more awake one becomes. The harder I worked at chasing my creativity the more uninspired I became)
It’s not that one should sit and wait for creativity to appear
There is a ‘participation’ on our part that must happen
but it does not dwell in the working harder places
when I began rehearsing to myself what I was doing
when I started feeling/seeing creativity and inspiration playing with me again I was…
walking and noticing the things around me
I was sitting quietly letting my mind take its rest
I was meditating
I had given up the pursuit and put my mind and endeavors toward quietness and being present
There have been times when I didn’t do the stuff above. I felt like I didn’t have enough time. Instead, I banged my head against the creativity door, certain I could open it if I stayed with it. Yeah, I know—when did that EVER work?? Like never
Creativity never asked that I hunt it down
Never asked that I angst over if it had left me, perhaps this time for good
Never asked me to conclude that I just wasn’t worthy
Creativity was silent through all of those antics
After retracing my steps what I’ve come to realize about creativity is this
It was and is always ready to come to me
It knows better than to show up when I’m stalking it for I will likely strangle the life out of it
–just as I am doing to my self
(It keeps a wide berth of one who can’t be silent long enough to hear her own heart)
The minute I finally let go and quietly begin being present in my life she comes to me
creativity starts me on a drip feed of life-preserving inspiration
and I am ever so thankful!
When you retrace your steps, where do you find creativity showing up?
P.S. A couple of things…. I’m preparing a watercolor journaling course made to open doors to your creativity. Postcards from Paris is a paintable feast and has a place set just for you! Add yourself to the VIP interest list–click here!
AND if you’ve been waiting for the right moment to take an oil painting course from me, Dream.Love.Paint, my signature course, is available right now at a very special price—click here for details!